What do you do when you like your friend as more than a friend?
Notes on someone more than a friend
You’ve been friends with him/her for who knows how long. The two of you know each other deeply, and both acknowledge the depth of your relationship. But she looks different today. Is it her hair? Nah, it’s the same as before. Did she get new clothes? New makeup maybe? You continue to make vain attempts to point out something that is making her look different.
Well, maybe it isn’t her. Maybe it’s you who changed after all. You’re feeling something more towards her.
It sucks to be stuck between zero and one, between “just friends” and something more. It’s quite a confusing feeling, as your relationship has just now entered a grey area. When you’re in this dilemma, note that you must tread carefully. Before anything, try to get a good grasp on your own feelings first. Give yourself some time to reconsider your relationship with him/her, and understand your own thoughts. Do you really need to turn your friendship into romance? What would be the consequences of doing so? How would he/she react? Do I really like him/her? Make sure that it’s really love and affection, not a small crush that lasts only a few days.
The important thing is to figure out what is more important: your feelings or your friendship. When you try to further your relationship into a romantic interest, it’s pretty much guaranteed that there will be no going back into a comfortable friendship. When the romantic relationship doesn’t necessarily work out the way you wanted to, the friendship will also be lost, and may just be plain awkward. Be aware of these potential consequences.
But if he/she is really worth giving a shot at, if revealing your feelings is more important than hiding them, begin by trying to be conscious of his/her words, body language, and attitude when you’re with him/her. Test the waters by starting to try out things you two haven’t done before, and spend more time together.
If it feels it’s the right time, meet him/her face to face to tell him/her how you’ve felt all along. If your friend returns your feelings, well, congratulations! But even if your friend doesn’t feel the same way you do, you know that you’ve been truthful to yourself, and both of you now know how each other feels.
Your friend must be an amazing person if you’re feeling that way to him/her. But always remember that before anything, it’s you who must be happy. Make the decision that will make you feel genuine to yourself.
Best of luck.
: So, I’m going to assume that you’re falling for your friend and you don’t know what to do. It isn’t a rare phenomenon, developing greater feelings for your friend. The more you spend time with your friend, and the more you disclose personal information to your friend, the more likely one of you two is going to perceive one another as more than a friend.
But to be completely honest, I think it’s a terrible idea to chase after your friend. If chemistry sparks between you two and things begin to take a step further, the “what if’s” will dominate your relationship before you know it. And keep in mind that when the relationship works out, but eventually comes to an end, it won’t be the only thing that breaks apart – your friendship will also be on the line. Of course, a myriad of factors can bring about different results. I’m just throwing out a possibility here.
Yet, don’t we all make disastrous decisions once in a while? The “what if’s” exist to falter hopes, but the ‘maybes’ will foster your imagination and urge you to aim a goal at your friend. As risky as it is, giving it a go will keep you from having regrets in the future. If you can’t stand remaining as awkward friends, give it a go.
First, start by observing your friend a bit closer. See if he or she is also sharing the same feelings as you are. Flirt around a bit; it won’t hurt. Meet more regularly, spend time doing activities that you guys usually didn’t do. Make memories, experiences that both of you won’t be able to forget.
If your friend’s on the same page as you and cherishes you the same way, there’s no need for further advice. On the other hand, though, if you aren’t getting the same vibes, it’s time to maintain what you’ve got. Rather than aiming high and losing everything (aka your friendship), it would be a more comfortable ordeal for not only your friend, but also for yourself, to accept your friend as just a friend.
Don’t worry about how awkward it’ll be after you chase after your friend. Give it your best shot, but restrain yourself from overdoing anything. In the end, I’m pretty certain that you won’t have any regrets about giving your friend a go. At least you would be able to determine where you two will stand in the future – probably one that’s stable and includes both of you.
For now, try to look at your situation from the bigger view and weigh the pros and cons. Whatever I ramble on about is merely advice. You make the final decision.
– The Blueprint Advice Team
*If you have any questions about friends, relationships, life, or just anything, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll answer them in the next column!
Header: Jamine Kang (’16)